5 Suggestions for Fighting Fatigue

Better Late Than Never BabySerena Kirby, a professional writer and AMA mom from Western Australia contacted us recently. Her new book called Better Late than Never Baby includes information and suggestions not found in other sources for expectant moms over age 35. We’ll share excerpts from her book with our audience and letyou how you can get your own copy.

Serena Kirby

Serena Kirby, Writer and AMA Mom

5 Suggestions for Fighting Fatigue (Part 1, a condensed excerpt from Better Late Than Never Baby by Serena Kirby ©2013) 

#1: Get Support

Countless experts state that support is essential in beating tiredness and fatigue.  But as the issue of fatigue is often downplayed and overlooked, the support a new mother receives (from her partner and others) may not actually be as adequate or as long lasting as may be required.

As today’s family unit has become increasingly smaller, more isolated (physically and socially) from extended family and more self-sufficient, the ready-made support network found in many other countries is lacking.  The result is that many older mothers have little or no support base on which to draw and she is left to primarily fend for herself.

This is a far cry from the support available in many Eastern and European countries where there is a tight extended family and a cultural understanding and expectation of pitching in and helping when a new baby arrives. The old African proverb that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ is still alive and well in many countries.

In China, for example, there is a support practice known as zuo yuzi, which involves a month of confinement after the baby is born. During this highly protective period the new mother is cloistered at home and given high levels of support from relatives. The mother is not allowed to work and is discouraged from getting out of bed (now you’re talking!) as any energy-sapping activity, other than looking after herself and her baby, is considered bad for her health and could in fact do her unthinkable harm in future years. A form of zuo yuzi is adopted in many other Asian countries and while experts say[i] our western culture would make it difficult to emulate, they agree the idea holds definite merit and benefits.

In the absence of zuo yuzi, good advice comes from Australian researcher Carol McVeigh who has argued that women really do need to address the issue of support, where and how to get it before the baby is born, and that support should be considered part of the childbirth education process.[ii] She goes further to suggest that ‘actively enlisting’ help is a skill women should be taught while pregnant.

As such, why not develop a list (then double it) of the support you think you may need and who is available to help. Talk to each person about the issue of fatigue, and the importance of support, and come to an agreement on how and when they can provide assistance. Be specific (write it down if you have to) otherwise all your planning is likely to go out the window (quickly followed by your energy) when the baby arrives. Don’t forget to think past the first six weeks post birth – remember fatigue has a nasty habit of increasing, rather than reducing, over time.

#2 Offers of Help

Change the way you think about accepting help and even practice saying ‘yes’ in front of the mirror. Make it a personal goal to say ‘yes’ whenever the word help is mentioned.

#3 Put ‘Self Care’ on the list

Being a mother is a relentless job and many days during the early months will feel like Groundhog Day. The repetition of feeding, changing, holding and soothing your baby dulls your senses and numbs your mind – all of which fosters fatigue.   Finding time for yourself is so rare that it’s no wonder you lose track of who you are – let alone remember what day it is.

It is also a mother’s instinct to put the care of her baby and family before her own, but many studies show that this is often to her own detriment. Taking regular time out and time away from your baby is important. It may be coffee with a friend, a walk, reading a book, enjoying some pampering or simply resting and doing nothing at all. Being off duty helps relieve stress, breaks the repetition of Groundhog Day and gives you a sense of self. It lets your body and mind rejuvenate and rest.

Remember to think of ‘self-care’ as being an essential item, not as something you’ll do if and when you have time.  And, by making a standing booking to take time for self care (at least two to three times a week even if you’re working outside the home) you won’t have to repeatedly ask your partner, or someone else, to care for the baby. Everyone will know that there are set times on certain days when you are not available to be with the baby.

#4 Lower Your Expectations

Today’s cultural representations and expectations of mothers as ‘superwomen’, who are able to juggle a multitude of roles and demands, are seen everywhere. Celebrities, entrepreneurial businesswomen and working mothers feature as the new heroes of motherhood-society and are constantly portrayed in a glowing light.  But while we see all their successes and happy smiling faces we do not see what really goes on behind closed doors. Nor do we see the hired help that often makes it all possible. So unless you have a life like the Rich and Famous don’t compare yourself to them.

#5 Managing the Load

As a large number of mature-age-moms are more financially secure and have had a career, why not put some of that hard earned expertise towards making home life easier. Running a household is like running a small business so outsource and hire a ‘freelancer’ (also known as ‘cleaner’) to help, even if it’s just once a fortnight and only for a few months.

You may say you can’t afford it, but when you weigh up the devastating effects of fatigue – can you afford not to?

Many women have more energy in the morning and so it may be easier to prepare the evening’s dinner before you’ve lost your enthusiasm for cooking.  Where possible make extra quantities of freezable meals.  Then, on the days where all you feel capable of is pressing the microwave button, at least it’s a home cooked meal you’re heating up. Why not make every Friday ‘takeaway’ night and set at least a few evenings during the week when your partner cooks.

Get your own copy of this new book Better Late than Never Baby.


[i] Tiredness and fatigue in the postnatal period, Anne McQueen and Rosemary Mander, Journal of Advanced Nursing, June 2003.

[ii] Tiredness and fatigue in the postnatal period, Anne McQueen and Rosemary Mander, Journal of Advanced Nursing, June 2003.