Erin’s Story of Motherhood at Age 46

Erin, Jorge and Kiera

Erin, Jorge and Kiera

During my twenties, my focus was more introspective. I finished college in my early twenties and spent time on gaining work success. At 26, I became very unhappy at my work and decided I wanted to travel abroad. I sold nearly everything I owned, paid off my credit cards, and saved money. It took a couple of months to prepare and that allowed me to plan my itinerary. My destination was Seville, Spain where I spent two consecutive summers. I found work through a Peace-Corps type organization where I worked on an archeological dig, an excavation of a Roman ruin called Italica. Being able to live in that beautiful city and be immersed in the culture had a long-lasting impact on me. Everyone was really kind and valued the quality of life over work or money. I fell in love with the culture so much and have traveled to Europe quite a few times that those experiences inspired me to become a travel agent.

In my early thirties is when I began my first serious relationship. We ended up getting married when I was 35. Unfortunately, we drifted apart and having children was not on his agenda. . I had married my ex because I felt the clock ticking and thought he wanted a family too. He didn’t want to have kids with me, because he wasn’t sure I was “the one”. Obviously, I was not and he has since had 2 kids. After my divorce I thought I wasn’t going to have a chance to have children so I looked into adoption on my own.

During this process I began a new relationship with a wonderful man and we “accidentally” got pregnant. We were both thrilled. I went to the doctor in order to get the recommended CVS (genetic) test and before the doctor even did the test, he could tell something was wrong with the fetus from the ultrasound. He sat me down and told me that the fetus had a brain deformity and would not survive weeks, let alone come to term. The news was devastating and I decided to terminate the pregnancy instead of waiting to miscarry. Our relationship eventually ended a year later, unrelated to the loss of the baby.

Not long after my relationship ended I went out with a man I knew from work and knew after the first date that he was the one. That is my husband Jorge. When I was 45 and 7.5 months pregnant and we got married. During the early stages of my pregnancy I had fears about the health of my child. Fortunately though, the CVS testing came out well and my baby girl was healthy.

The pregnancy itself was relatively easy. Since I didn’t have any complications I was able to work until the birth. Every time I went to visit my obstetrician she would be amazed that at my age I was having a “textbook” easy pregnancy and walking around in high heels. She was non-judgmental and encouraging. My family and friends were also My family and friends were also really supportive and happy for me.

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My family and friends were also really supportive and happy for me. They were responsible for creating a positive environment.

A lot of my friends are 5-10 years younger than me and also having children so I had a network of women friends to connect with and share information with

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I had my daughter, Kiera, 10 days early and with no complications. At the age of 46 I finally had the family I always wanted and for a long time didn’t know if I would get. I was lucky to find the one.

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When I was 48 my husband considered having another child and I still contemplate adoption. I felt at that point trying to conceive another child would be playing with fire. I know that whether or not we will have another child in our lives, I look forward to the future and I feel so lucky to have Kiera and Jorge in my life.

Erin and Her Family

Erin and Her Family

 

Donna’s Story on Finding Support and Resources

Donna and Her Husband Ken

Donna and Her Husband Ken

I was born in Seoul, South Korea and am the older of two children. My father was in the U.S. Air Force and we moved quite frequently when I was a child. My mother was a stay- at-home mom who raised us lovingly. We never went to daycare or had babysitters. I remember my mother being a very nurturing, hard working and giving women. She always provided the stability and comfort through our ever-changing lifestyle as a military family. She taught me to be strong and overcome obstacles. I was a very shy child and the constant moves and new schools all seemed very intimidating I recall.

When I was 14 we moved to Sembach A.F.B. in Germany. It was a big challenge to move during my teenage years, let alone to a different country. Attending a military school with other teens who also spent their lives moving frequently brought comfort and I settled in with a whole new set of friends. It was exciting to be able to travel with my family to different countries and also take field trips to places like France for the day. It was all an experience I wouldn’t have traded for the world!

My grandfather fell ill so we got transferred back to McGuire A.F.B. in New Jersey, where I finished my last two years of high school. I graduated high school at the age of 17 with no real college plans. I did have a desire and dreamed of working in the travel industry and was working on inquiring with a travel business school in Florida. Something about moving and traveling excited me and I yearned to follow a path where I could work and travel for a living. While my family researched schools in Florida my father got emergency transfer orders to Hawaii. I dropped my plans of going off to school and followed my family to Hawaii. How could I turn down an opportunity to live in paradise?

In Hawaii I attended a private college and majored in Business Management for the Travel Industry, but I left to work for a pediatric dental office. When I was 20 I married my first husband who was in the U.S. Coast Guard. He was 21. He transferred to Houston, Texas, where we lived for seven years. I worked and went back to college. We never really discussed having a family immediately, but talked about it as something we would want in the future. We were in no hurry. I was working 40 hours a week in a busy periodontics office. Constantly learning on the job and attending college in the evenings left me little time to slow down and talk about children.

I was also not particularly interested in being pregnant. I was always afraid of having a baby and of all the changes that would take place in my body.

I even mentioned to my husband that I would have preferred to adopt a child and give a child in need a good home. That was always something I held dear to my heart. At the time my husband also kept an open mind. However, after many years of soul searching and drifting apart, I decided to end my marriage and move to Temple, Texas where I had been accepted into a dental hygiene program.

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I desired to have a family someday and hoped to meet someone who wanted the same things in life. When dating I knew exactly what I wanted and pictured a family with children. I dated only a few people seriously but no one I met had the same expectations and dreams.

When I was in my early thirties I met Ken, the man who would become my husband.

I remember discussing future dreams with him from the very beginning. I didn’t want to waste his time nor mine if our dreams didn’t match.

It was comforting to hear that he wished for the same things. He wanted a partner in life and a family with children. We dated for five years, but then separated for two years. He later realized that he wanted me back in his life and expressed his wishes to have me as his wife and start a family. We started dating again and in 2009 we were married. He was 41 and I was 39. We knew we would need to start trying for a baby soon in order to have one.

I read so much information on the Internet and became quite educated on how challenging it would be for me to conceive at this age. It was overwhelming and discouraging. We had just begun seeing a fertility doctor when I found out I was pregnant. I was overjoyed to have become pregnant naturally after just 6 months of trying. When I was told over the phone that my pregnancy was not viable, I was heartbroken. Not long after that I had a miscarriage. The term “not viable” was confusing and frustrating.

It was difficult to hear from a doctor that the risk statistics for women at age 39 were higher. The research and numbers did not sound positive. My doctor suggested that donor egg options had better statistics in achieving a successful pregnancy at my age. My doctor also suggested transfer of at least three embryos with my own eggs if we decided to do IVF. While going through testing with the fertility doctor we conceived our son on our own. Thankfully we did not need the help of our fertility doctor. [Read more…]