Dual Paths to Motherhood

Two Paths After experiencing secondary infertility, a diagnosis of not being able to get pregnant and stay pregnant for over six months at age 41, I felt I needed to take charge and gain back some control. Is this common? Likely and a topic for future research I believe.

In my experiences I’ve found that if I want something badly enough I will find a way to make it happen. Sometimes I find multiple ways to achieve results. It takes a bit of tenacity and confidence, I call it the dual (or multiple) path approach. 

Advanced maternal age women are likely to take this dual path.


It feels a bit crazy when one is in the midst of pursuing both paths, but it allows one to have a greater chance of success faster.

Reading Sharon Simons’ new book Mom at Last, I considered my own past and paths to adding to my family. Sharon S’s is also a story of advanced maternal age and included three rounds of IVF and adoption of two young boys from Siberia, Russia. It’s important writing and caused me to reflect on the choices I’ve made. Sensing that her third round of IVF might not be successful, she Googled “adoption” and quickly discovered the path she wanted, which was international adoption. This head start on her second plan, confidence and resources likely propelled her forward quickly. Her writing indicates she is glad with her choice.

In November 2009 after enduring a second miscarriage, my husband and I attended an information session for prospective foster and adoptive parents. While waiting to hear if we were to be accepted into the training program, we began our donor egg IVF paperwork and testing. We selected our donor. While waiting for her tests to be completed, we were selected to start our foster/adopt training in March. Daily hormone shots, paperwork and Saturday training classes filled my non-working hours in the Spring of 2010. Sometimes they were all consuming. I handled most of the work. I did not want end the year and turn 43 without some progress towards my goal, a sibling for my son.

While our procedure was not successful, we did receive our certification as foster and adoptive parents. Our first placement came seven weeks later and is now our adoptive daughter. Goal achieved.

Have you taken dual paths to motherhood? We’d love to hear your story.